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RIP Prof. Randy Pausch.
I mean, the metaphor I've used is ... somebody's
going to push my family off a cliff pretty soon, and I won't be there
to catch them. And that breaks my heart. But I have some time to sew
some nets to cushion the fall. So, I can curl up in a ball and cry, or
I can get to work on the nets.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-8201478015841155798&q=randy+pausch&ei=vuuJSMe9FaCCqgOkv_2hCA
If you don't know who he is.
My parents got me his book, and I initially remember thinking it was probably just another thing they wanted me to do to expand my horizons, blah blah.
How right they were.
As morbid as it may be, death is never far from my mind. I've been there once, and it's colored my life perception ever since. (Not cancer, thankfully... but the whole story, I think, will have to stay with my parents.) I have to wonder if that's a factor in explaining why I do what I do.
And, I fear, it's precisely when I have my moments to aspire to be normal - to not run off to China for a year, to just accept the office lifestyle for the next fifty years - that I forget I cannot lay claim to normalcy, ever.
Then, guys like him come along, and it's like a bucket of water to the face... followed by a bucket to the head. I write and whine and ponder, but guys like him? They're out there, living. He found his way and walked the path.
He was alive. Far better than I can say for most.
And what am I doing? Chasing money? Revolving around empty pursuits? Sacrificing what matters in the end for what doesn't?
Don't get me wrong - lots of money would be great. But to what extent wealth? Having life is a wonderful, dreadful, mysterious gift. Have I really spent so much of my life selling myself out for the illusion of material security?
Is the reason why I have trouble trusting and believing people simply because I'm too scared to trust and believe myself? Is that why I've repeatedly walked away from what I really ought to have been doing, and found myself here?
Which is it that wakes me up at night? Not having the money to have things, or not having the courage to actually live? I think I know the answer, and it simultaneously relieves me and irks the hell outta me.
My prayers are with his family. I genuinely believe he knew what he was doing, what he was talking about (impending doom often brings out great wisdom and perspective)... and I'm one of the types of people he was looking to reach.
Unless it's another head fake.
On a parting note, I've got this scene stuck in my head. Bonus points if you can identify where it came from.
Boy steps on to train, waits to head off to his destiny.
Peers out window, sees girl who he fell for searching outside.
Boy calls for her, heads to train door.
Girl hands him package, wishes him well.
Boy stays at door window as train takes off.
Girl starts running after train, stopped by end of platform.
Boy sits down and opens package.
It's a seven-layer sandwich.
Each piece of bread is held together with honey.
And in the middle of each layer
is a single four-leaf clover.
- boy weeps as he heads to the future
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| | Posted 7/26/2008 12:06 PM - 7 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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